i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
