Sry I called you an 8
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
