Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
