I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
