i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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