well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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