I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
where does the pee come out of this thing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize