Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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