Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
