Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize