my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
