Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What a dumb baby whore.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
