Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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