Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found puke in my bra..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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