can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
