i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
