I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it hurts more in the daytime
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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