dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
