You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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