Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
