At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
