you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize