I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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