My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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