Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
