i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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