What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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