Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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