he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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