I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize