just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
