How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
