woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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