I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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