I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
