This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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