Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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