erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
