You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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