Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
