something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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