I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
