I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
