You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
