i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So many bounce houses so little time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
