Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
