My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I believe in your delicious
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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