the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
