Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
