How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
