Pappa wants mamma naked
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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