Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
