Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize