Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize