I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
