I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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