Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We need a shit load of segways right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
