I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
