he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
