Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
