I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
