either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
