Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
