i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
