Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
