a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
