The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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