I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize