there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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