would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
