Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
