The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
