My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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