i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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