anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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