He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
