Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mom said you looked used
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
